June 1, 2009

THE MEXICO CITY NEWS HOROSCOPES FOR JUNE 1st

Aries:
You'll Find An Old Friend You Haven't Seen In A While. Avoid Him. Pretend You're Blind. He's More Successful Than You.

Taurus:
Avoid Rain. You Look Like Shit With Your Hair All Wet.

Gemini:
Avoid Daylight. You Look Like Shit Today.

Cancer:
Try To Sing A Happy Song. But Please Do It In The Shower Where No One Can Hear You.

Leo:
Those Empty Desks Near Your Office Are Robots In Disguise. Destroy Them. Then Fight Boss.

Virgo:
If You're A Student, Quit School And Become A Bull-Fighter. If You're A Bull-Fighter, We Don't Like Your Pants.

Libra:
Create A Beautiful Garden Inside Your House. Smell The Flowers And Admit Once And For All You're Gay.

Scorpio:
You'll Create A Musical Masterpiece That Will Transform The World. Then You'll Lose The Tape And Paulina Rubio Will Use It.

Sagittarius:
No, You Can't Have Dessert. Go Exercising Or At Least Change Your Fucking Wardrobe.

Capricorn:
Enrique Peña Nieto Loves You. Not The Governor, But A Cab Driver From Azcapotzalco.

Aquarius:
You'll Get A Glass Of Water That Tastes Like Shit. Pretend You Love It. When She Stops Laughing, Your Enemy Will Respect You.


Pisces:
You're Talented, Beautiful And Sexy. Well, Not Really. Just Pretend You Are And People Will Hate You. You'll Think It's Envy.

7 comments:

  1. Anonymous1.6.09

    wera_supernova says I'M VIRGO! hahaha

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  2. Lástima que leí tan tarde mi horóscopo, ya salí al sol y ya me vió feo la gente… Más temprano para la próxima! Jajaja. @bernardoprieto

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  3. I've always knew Walter Mercado was a MCN staff member.

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  4. Anonymous1.6.09

    I want my free post-it now!!

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  5. Anonymous1.6.09

    I'm pretty sure the Aries belongs to me... althought I'm a Leo

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  6. @lcpap1.6.09

    ¿estas predicciones son para todo el mes?
    Libra es el mejor... Creo que conozco a tantos libras!!! jajajajajaja

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  7. Actually, my hair looks better when it's wet 'cause whenever I dry it I look like Mufasa (uuuh!!!).

    ReplyDelete